


The Beauty Hidden

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Forcible outing, Hate Crimes, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Please Don't Hate Me, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 04:34:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11639019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: James outs Remus, and things go down from there. Is there any way to fix what he's done?





	1. True Colors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forcible Outing, Homophobic Language, Homophobic Slurs

"I wonder where he got off to?" James led Sirius and Peter down a corridor, looking for Remus. "He's going to miss lunch, at this rate."

It didn't take long to find the fourth member of their quartet. As the three boys rounded a corner, they spotted a familiar mop of light brown hair, though it was quite obvious the owner of that hair was busy snogging some dark-haired Ravenclaw.

"Remus, let's go to lunch," James said with a dangerous coolness to his voice. It didn't take long for the four boys to reach the Great Hall. No sooner had they arrived, and James was standing on his bench, garnering the attention of the majority of the school.

"Hey, everyone. I've got some exciting news for you."

"James, what the hell are you doing?"

"Making an announcement, Moony, can't you tell."

"Get the fuck down!"

"Remus Lupin here is a shirt-lifter. A regular poof. That is all."

Whispers echoed around the hall as James got down, and an angry blush swept across Remus' face.

"So what if I am? What business is it of yours?" The words came out a snarl, Remus' face was dangerously close to James'.

"It's my business because I share a room with your bent dick. Never know what you'll do."

"You, James Potter, are a bigoted asshole." And with that, Remus stood from the table, storming out of the hall. Sirius just stared after him, an unreadable expression on his face.

"You ok, mate?" James turned to Sirius.

"Huh? Yeah, fine." But Sirius didn't speak to anyone else the rest of the day.

After the final lesson of the day, Sirius didn't even bother to go to dinner. The distraught boy went straight to the dorms, hiding behind the curtains of his four poster.

"Is it really so terrible that Remus likes blokes?" Peter sounded uncertain.

"It's disgusting, Pete," James spat. "I worry we will have the same problem with Sirius, sometimes, the way he looks at Remus. His uncle is bent, you know?" Apparently, the other two didn't know Sirius was there, but as he heard them drift off to sleep, silent tears rolled down his face, remaining unwiped as they formed a path to the blanket on the boy's lap.

What am I going to do now? If I lose James, I'll have nowhere to go. At this thought, Sirius' control slipped, and a small sob escaped him. But there was no one to console him. His pillow his only comfort, the distraught boy eventually exhausted himself with tears and fell into an uneasy sleep.

It was two whole days before anyone could get Sirius to say a word. Remus avoided them after James had outed him, and James and Peter just assumed he had gotten another letter from home.

"Whatever they said this time, Padds, they aren't worth it. Besides, you left over the summer, and you don't have to go back." James waved his hand airily. All Sirius could do was nod in response.

Merlin, you're disgusting, Black. Don't even bother coming back to my place this summer. You are no longer welcomed.

Sorry, Sirius, but James says I shouldn't talk to you anymore. That you're too much of a freak.

Why would I want you? You couldn't even stand up to James as he ruined my life, spouted my secrets to the Great Hall. What use are you, coward?

I'm sorry, Mr. Black, but Hogwarts has no place for your kind. You and Mr. Lupin must pack immediately, we can't have students being uncomfortable by your presence.

Finally, Sirius woke up, face splotchy, pillow soaked in sweat and tears. Sitting up in his bed, the frightened teen began to cry more earnestly, small sobs escaping without his permission.

He was so scared of losing his best friends, but he was also scared of losing himself, scared that he'd have to hide forever. That night was a sleepless one. 

He wasn't alone though. In the bed beside his own, Remus Lupin shed his own tears in a sleepless night. His worst fear had come true. His best friends had deemed him unworthy of love. The first friends he ever had, and it was all gone now. He was truly alone again. And it hurt more than any transformation could.


	2. Tears and Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bullying, Self-harm

Sirius hated what was happening. In the corridors, people were purposefully shouldering into Remus. Snide remarks and slurs were whispered in every class. In the Great Hall, Remus found no one would actually sit with him. Eventually, he stopped going to meals. Remus was also not commonly seen in Gryffindor tower, always leaving before the other boys and returning right before curfew and retiring to his bed immediately. Sirius noticed all of this and a few things the other boys didn't as well. The increasing dark circles that marked Remus' fatigue, the redness in his eyes that indicated his tears. 

Sirius was lying awake one night trying to think of how to convince James that being gay wasn't so bad. It would actually be the first time he would talk to James in 2 weeks if he got the courage to actually follow through. His thoughts were broken by the sound of a sob from the bed beside his own. 

"Remus?" Sirius whispered as loud as he dared, trying not to wake James or Peter. The occupant of the other bed didn't answer. "Are you ok?"

"Obviously not, but then again, what do you care? If James says it's bad, he must be right, you're his fucking lapdog." The anger was punctuated by a sniffle. 

"That's not true. James is wrong, you know?" Sirius stood up from his bed, approaching his neighbor's. 

"And yet you did nothing," Remus deadpanned.

Sirius began pulling back the curtains on Remus' bed. "What should I have-" He stopped mid-sentence, shocked at what he saw. "What is that?" Sirius stood with his gaze fixated on the fingernail creating angry red lines on Remus' arm.

"Nothing." He tugged at his sleeve, attempting to hide from Sirius.

"Don't bullshit me. Why?" Sirius sat down on the bed, facing the tear stained face of who was supposed to be his friend.

"You think it's easy being an openly queer student at Hogwarts? It feels like I'm the only queer student here at all. And I didn't even get a choice. You butt-buddy over there took that from me as well." Tears began to fall again.

"You're not." Remus jerked his head up, giving Sirius an odd look. "You aren't the only one." Sirius was mumbling as he hid behind a curtain of raven hair.

"Don't, Black. Don't fucking play games with me. I don't want to be involved in whatever sick joke you and Potter have cooked up. I feel enough like shit. Don't make my hell worse." The barely audible whisper sounded desperate.

"I'm sorry," Sirius managed to force out through the lump in his throat. Tears began to stream down his face as he continued to hide. "I'm sorry for everything that's happened, and I'm sorry for not doing anything, and I'm sorry for being scared."

"You really mean it, don't you? This isn't some prank put together by Potter to humiliate me?" Sirius answered Remus' questions with a simple, small nod. "Why haven't you said anything? Why have you let everyone treat me like that?" Remus sounded hurt, scared.

"I was scared. I've already been disowned by my family. If I lost James, I'd have nowhere to go. What am I supposed to do? I don't know what to do. Moony, I'm so fucking scared and confused and-" Sirius' rambling was cut off by his own sobs.

"We will figure it out, Padfoot, I promise," Remus reassured. He had no idea what either of them would do, but at least they wouldn't be alone anymore.


	3. Blood and Bruises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Homophobic Language, Hate Crime, Bullying, Physical wounds  
> (honestly writing this chapter was terrible for me)

Unfortunately, after the night they had, both boys fell asleep before Sirius could make it back to his own bed.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" James woke the other occupants of the room with his boisterous outrage. "Honestly, Sirius, you've got to let him taint you?" All Sirius could do was hide his face, looking like a kicked dog.

"I'm sorry, Prongs," Sirius mumbled.

"No! Don't be sorry, Padfoot. Don't apologize for who you are. And you, Potter, should be ashamed. You promised us that you'd always be there for us. You were supposed to protect us, not terrorize us. Sirius has already lost a lot. We are all he has left, you've got him scared of losing it!" Remus was yelling by the time he finished, red in the face as he stood toe to toe with James.

"Maybe he should be scared because he doesn't have us anymore. Peter and I are done with you two. You disgust me!" As he turned away, he spat on the floor by Remus' feet.

"Sirius-" But Sirius was up and running from the room. Quickly shaking his shock, Remus sprinted after him, ignoring a concerned look from Peter.

"Sirius, wait!" Using his long legs to his advantage, Remus caught up to his friend, grabbing his shoulder and turning him around. The look of absolute devastation was evident on the handsome face as tears cascaded down like a waterfall.

"Leave me alone, Remus! I told you! I told you I'd lose everything! I don't know what I'm going to do for holidays, now! I was supposed to go skiing with the Potters, and now they hate me, too!" Sirius, who had been yelling, now dropped his voice considerably. "Why does everyone always hate me?" A choked sob echoed through the unusually quiet common room.

"I don't hate you, Sirius! Fuck Potter. He isn't worth it. You are a great guy, and you deserve better family than what you got, and you deserve a better family than James fucking Potter!" Suddenly, Sirius fell to his knees. A surprised Remus did his best to catch him, holding the shaking and broken boy as he sobbed on the floor.

"What's wrong with me, Moony?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing."

===

Things didn't get better for either one of them. James had made it quite clear to the other students at Hogwarts that Sirius was to be given the same treatment as Remus. Things escalated as the next few weeks pass. 

Remus went looking for Sirius when he failed to show up potions. He finally found him in an abandoned third-floor corridor.

"Holy shit, Sirius, what happened?" Remus dropped to his knees beside a bloody and bruised boy. "We need to get you to the hospital wing."

"NO! I'm fine, just help me up." As he struggled to stand, Remus noticed blood soaking the back of his shirt. Remus led Sirius to the nearby abandoned girl's bathroom, which nearly guaranteed privacy.

"Let me see." It wasn't a question. Sirius just winced as he gingerly removed his shirt. What he saw absolutely outraged him. "Who did this to you, Sirius?"

"No one, I'm fine." The non-answer was all it took to confirm what Remus feared. There was only one person who could do this to Sirius and Sirius would lay down and take it.

"I'm going to kill him. Look what he's done to you! It's not just cuts and bruises. Have you even looked at your back?" Remus was close to screaming, feeling more anger than he ever thought possible.

"It's nothing, just drop it," Sirius whispered as if tears weren't streaming down his face at the slurs carved into his back. Remus just sighed.

"If you won't let me take you to the matron, at least let me clean you up?" Sirius nodded. Once Remus had done all he could for the injuries, he helped Sirius up to the common room. After gently laying Sirius in his bed, he cast a muffling spell around the boy to allow him to sleep undisturbed. Then, he went out in search of James.

"James Potter, you sick, twisted, depraved monster! How could you do that to him?" Remus stalked up to James as he was leaving the Quidditch pitch.

"I don't know what you are talking about," his smirk telling Remus he knew exactly what this conversation was about.

"Fuck you, Potter." Remus punctuated his statement by breaking James' nose before turning on his heel and heading back to look after Sirius.

It took Sirius' body three weeks to heal, having refused to use magic. Sirius, however, changed after that.


	4. Broken Dolls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bullying, Homophobic Language, Nightmares, PTSD

James seemed to get a great deal of satisfaction at watching Sirius go red in the face. Throughout the day, he kept whispering some of the words now carved into Sirius' back. Sirius thought he'd get some peace in the dorm as it was just him and Remus as they sat studying on Remus' bed. The door to the dorm slammed open as James and Peter came in.

"Look at the disgusting poofs, Peter. Might have to burn my eyes out."

Remus got red in the face as Sirius stood so fast, his notes lay scattered across the floor.

"You, Potter, are the real shirt-lifter, aren't you?" Sirius removed his shirt making James look at the scarred words covering his back. "You are the most foul of human beings, worse than my fucked up family. I trusted you, thought you were my brother. If you ever bother Remus or me again, I'll show Lily your true colors. Now, fuck off." The swearing was punctuated by a shove, which sent James flat on the floor. Before Peter or Remus could make sense of what was happening, fists were flying and blood had been drawn. It took some effort to separate the boys, but by the end, Peter sat on James' chest, and Remus was holding Sirius.

"James, you will leave Sirius and me alone until you can stop being a bigoted ponce. And Sirius, I need you to stop being so angry all the time, please? We need at least pretend peace if we are going to all live together." Remus made sure not to let Sirius out of his arms as he spoke.

"How can someone live with me?" With the single question, Sirius felt the anger seep out, replaced by a profound grief. As he extricated himself from Remus, he went and locked himself in the bathroom.

"Goddamn it," swore Remus. "Pete, you might as well get off James' chest before you suffocate him. Or he thinks to disown you, too." With that, Remus walked over to the bathroom for the dorm, knocking on the door.

A muffled "go away" came through the door.

"It's me, Padds, please let me in," pleaded Remus. Sirius unlocked the door and Remus slipped in, but not before James got a look at the red and tear stained face. The expression Sirius wore was one James had seen only once before, the day Sirius had shown up on his doorstep, never to return to his own home. A twinge of guilt was suppressed as James stood up and left for Quidditch practice.

===

"Moony?" Remus grunted in response. "Can I come over there? I had another one and can't sleep." Remus lifted his blanket, inviting Sirius under. Soon, Sirius was falling back to sleep, inhaling Remus' scent.

"Sirius, wake up! Come on, Padds, it's just a dream," Remus tried to shake his friend awake. As the sounds of distress continued, the other boys woke as well, looking on in concern.

"SIRIUS!" Suddenly, the sleeping boy jerked awake and promptly began hysterically sobbing. Remus just took him in his arms and held the boy.

"Is he ok?" James sounded uncertain.

"Obviously not," Remus shot back.

"What's wrong with him?"

"The one person he cared about most beat him, carved terrible words into his skin, and abandoned him, like his abusive family. So he's just a little messed up right now." There was a bite to the words.

"I-I did this to him?"

"You did so much worse, James, so much worse. This happens every night. He no longer shows his torso to people. Today was the first time I've seen him take his shirt off since I cleaned his wounds for him since he now locks himself in the bathroom to change. I'm the only one who can even touch him anymore without him flinching. He jumps when someone comes around the corner. He doesn't talk to anybody but me either. You broke him, James. More than his parents ever could. You did this and so much more." Remus lay down beside Sirius, who had cried themselves to sleep. As the curtains closed around the two boys, James ran to the bathroom to vomit. No one said another word that night. Peter managed to get back to sleep, because he could sleep through a hurricane, Sirius and Remus slept out of pure exhaustion, and James didn't really do much else besides think of what he'd done to his brother and if it was possible to fix it.


	5. Slow Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PTSD, Mentioned Child Abuse/Torture, Mentioned Sexual Assault Rape/Non-con

"Sirius, can we talk?" James placed a hand on Sirius' shoulder as he spoke, causing the other boy to nearly jump out of his skin. Pulling his hand back as if burned, his eyes went wide as Sirius dissolved into a mess of panicked breathing and tears.

"Shit, I didn't mean to. Remus! I don't know what to do!" James looked frantic.

"How about we start by you not touching him. What possessed you to do that after what you saw last night?" Remus began leading Sirius in grounding techniques as he spoke to him in a soothing voice.

"I just wanted to talk to him. I put my hand on his shoulder like I used to do. I didn't mean-"

"Well things aren't like before; you can't just do that, not after what you did to him." James hung his head.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry for what I've done. I'll fix his back, I'll become his body guard or man servant, I'll do whatever it takes to prove I'm sorry." Tears began leaking out of the corner of James' eyes.

"Do you know why he left home this last summer?" Remus finally stood from Sirius, who had finally regained control. "He told me I was the first person he said anything to about it. His parents found out he's gay. They found something he had written about me, how he feels. And they did unspeakable things to him. Unforgivable curses, locking him in a closet, his father even forced himself onto him, trying to 'fix him.'" James nearly puked on Remus' shoes. "But he was getting better because he knew he had us, he had a better family. And you ruined that. He trusted you more than anyone, so what you did to him was worse in his mind. And you will have to live knowing that you are the one who took away our strong, rebel Sirius and replaced him with all of this pain." James fell to his knees, sitting beside Sirius on the floor, being careful not to touch him.

"Please, Sirius, I'm so sorry, I can't ever tell you how sorry I am. I am a terrible person. I'll fix your back, I'll do any task you assign me, I'll go to your parents', anything!"James had removed his glasses since they had fogged over from crying.

"I don't want my back fixed. It reminds me to be careful, that the world is worse than I imagined." Sirius stood up, wiping his lip. The seam where it had been busted in yesterday's fight had opened. "But you can start by getting everyone to back off of Remus and me. No more names, no more shoulders, no more jeers. It all ends, or I go to Dumbledore himself. I'm tired. Tired of having to fight every day for just being me."

And James kept his word. It took a long time, the rest of sixth year and all of seventh year, for Sirius to be able to trust James enough for even a pat on the shoulder. Things were never the same, but James was there for Sirius and Remus' wedding, and Sirius and Remus were there for James'.


End file.
